The Pushes and Pulls on a Monday Morning

This morning, I woke up, still foggy, train horns blaring outside the window, the chug, chug, chug of each train passing by 3 or 4 times compounded with my tossing and turning and kicks from the Fraggle like blond toddler in my bed.  I read my daily news dose while Pablo watched his morning 20 min fix of Peppa pig, while sipping chocolate oat milk.  When I see his days, I somehow remember that it's such a shame we don't remember our early, early childhood, when the days of contentment, snuggles, inconsistency were so fresh and wonderful.   I simultaneously reflect on how happy I am that he might not remember the before because I fear the days of happy parks and even regular parks may be a thing of the past.  His future of schooling entails socially distanced spaces, masks, temperature checks and things that take the fun and freedom out of being a kid.  The push of going back to school is pulling on my heart strings as I watch kids in France, sit playing alone in chalked off boxes.  The song "World, Hold on" plays in my head on repeat, with little Twisted Sister speech bubbles of "We're not going to take it" plays up in the graphic novel being written in my head.

I went for a quick run this morning, 4 km, light and easy, up the beach boardwalk, and down along the water on the way back.   It was 9:50 am when I left for my indefinite run and when I returned 10:30 am. There's a 6-10 am curfew for exercise in Spain but I have yet to see it enforced. As I cruised down the sand, the earth pulling me to it, inhaling the salt water, basking in the sun and golden sand reflections, and savoring the cool air whispering gently on my face, I noticed two police cars.  One police officer got out, walked towards the beach.  I knew that despite the awesome weather and earth calling my name to continue the run, I needed to not tempt fate.  Cops are pushing 600 euro fines for breaking the quarantine rules.  I curtailed and headed towards the apartment, past the police car and another police officer got out and said, "Go home."  I said, "That's where I am headed."  This encounter just reminded me while our feelings, our bodies, our hearts, our minds are all being pulled outside, we have to push ourselves to be reasonable and follow rules so that more and more freedoms can be restored in the future.

Pablo and I made popsicles this morning and then played with the house, and the world we've created in our living room.  1 pm rolled around quickly and our helper called to ask if Pablo could come to her house to play with her kids today.  We were happy and excited for Pablo.  He's been without kids for nearly 2 months but he was a little bit cautious.  We prepared a bag with some comforts, raisins, chocolate oat milk and a couple of his favorite toys.   When we went down to get into the car, he reached out for me, and Carolina, our helper, and her brother, had to take him away, gently pushing me away so it wouldn't be harder.  I sat there, doing my best to pull back the tears in my eyes.  I wish that I could sit and do my online classes, work, meetings, etc with my kid magically playing and entertaining himself in the background with few screens involved but the reality of the world right now and my energetic toddler who loves to play and involve others in his magical worlds, is far from that.  When I received these images later,  the weight on my shoulders was lifted for the moment.

We've entered this time in our lives where we have to sit down and it's easy to notice the pushes and pulls.  Thank god though that balance is still a part of our charmed lives.



 

In a time of...

In a time of uncertainty,
Soak up the laughter that comes from
You mouthing words to your son
While your father tells him
Something else completely.

In a time of anxiousness,
Find a corner or space in your house
To fake punch a wall
Run between walls
Sit against the wall
Or headstand against the wall
Letting the blood
Flow in all different directions.

In a time of unknown,
Let the creativity erupt from your skull
Flow into the universe
Through innovative teaching
Through choose your own adventure recipes
Through art projects you never thought you had in you
Through building god knows what out of wine boxes.

In a time of solitude,
Reach out,
You are surrounded by others in the universe and
Are far from alone.
You have your head
Your heart
And hundreds of ears and eyes
Craving that you
Pick up the phone
And Say Hello.

In a time of messiness,
Say yes to the mess.
Say no to that
Anal devil on your shoulder.
You aren't going to get ahead
Of it and if you do, it means
You got behind
In something else.

In a time of desperation,
Start writing that
Gratitude list.
Start dialing those
Numbers.
Start
Having faith
That the
World will win.

#day31 #SOL20 #I'llmissthis

Day 30: Tired, Grateful, and Oreos

It's 9:13 pm here but in most of my people's worlds it's another time of the day, or perhaps another day.  You see I live in North America, which makes me an anomaly in the sea of expats here in Argentina.  The New York Times said it had the most Millenial Expats in the world, Heather... Come on.... 

I, however, friends, am exhausted.  My day started at a toddler reasonable time "7:45 am" and Pablo touched down into sleepiness at "7:45 pm" 12 hours later so things could be much worse, but now, after a little bit of wine.  It's a mid-week holiday, shoot me. And a little bit of good conversation, Yes, my neighbor, who has been looking after Pablo, while single parenting, snuck over.  I am done.  I am ready to close my eyes and surrender.  Part of me wishes I was in New York at a climate change conference when I think of my prior plans, and then, the other part of me, says, "No. Love Argentina and all it is right now."

I am thankful for empanadas.
I am thankful for oreos.
I am thankful for tired husbands.
I am thankful for tap water.
I am thankful for friends who listen wholeheartedly.
I am thankful for joy: here, there and everywhere.

#SOL20 #March30 

Happy Accidents; Feeling Groovy

6 pm this evening, I went out to buy onions. 
We needed onions for our pasta sauce.  It was a mandatory trip, plus a breath of welcomed fresh air.

First stop, Dia, the local chain discount supermarket.  I usually try to avoid this place but there were no lines and I didn't really need anything else.   I walked in.  There was orange juice.  Orange juice is hard to come by these days.  I think people really want the vitamin C so are stocking up.  This is a good sign, I thought to myself.  I continued down the aisle to the fruit and vegetable sections.  There was a lone half chunk of lettuce, a tomato, a couple of apples.  I scanned the empty boxes looking for a sign of onions.  Finally, at the bottom of a box, I saw a few.  I picked one up. It leaked juice and bugs flew out.  #shoppingfail

Next stop, I went to the Chinese grocery store across the street.  There was a line of 5 people but it moved within 5 minutes.  I went in and saw the vegetable part of the store run by another person was closed and walked out.

I began to lament.  Pasta sauce without tomatoes.  Of course, it would work but wouldn't be so good.  As I approached the corner to turn back to my house, I saw the little organic store, with two people outside.  It seemed open.  I walked up.  A cute shirtless man stood outside talking to his other friend.  I said "Tienen cebolla/ do you have onions?"

They said, "Yes, but do you know how this works?"  He then tossed me a gorgeous green apple.  "You need that too."

I replied "Yes, I do, but I really need onions for my pasta sauce."  They responded with a giggle and asked whether I wanted brown or red.

We chatted for awhile and I gave them my number so I can order vegetables from them in the future; it's an organic community garden that creates boxes and delivers them within the neighborhood.  Totally my jam, but just hadn't taken the time to sign up, especially since we are theoretically leaving soon.

I asked "How much?" as I was about to go.
They said "No worries, it's a present."

Whether this was a kind exchange, good energy, a happy accident, or Heather, still having a bit of groove, even in quarantine gear (puppy shirt, post-workout pulled back hair, and blue running shorts), it was a boost to my self esteem and a great little dent in my day.

#SOL20 #Day29 #grooveisintheheart

Papa's Home

We woke up around 8:30 this morning, Pablo and I.  We didn't make it that far out of the room. 
I got him some milk.  He watched his Ipad a bit. Then a car passed and I said, is that papa. 

He stood by the window, staring longingly.

I saw the tinted windows and car parking in front of our house and thought, that must be him.

A neighbor's son stepped out of the car, "Not papa," I said sadly.

"When's papa coming?"  Pablo asked desperately.

"Soon, any minute now?  Keep looking out the window.  "You could put on pants?" I suggested to my naked boy.

All of a sudden, I saw a car drive by with what seemed like a larger man in the back.  I didn't want to tell P that was him because I wasn't 100% sure, so I played it cool.

"Keep looking." I said and then, when Pablo turned around for a split second.  He arrived at the gate.

"Hola familia!" He said cheerfully.

I ran to throw on clothes to be decent enough to go outside to open our gate.  Pablo ran to to the door and opened it naked.  He waited patiently as I opened the gate to our door, and then we put in the key to open the gate to the courtyard.  Papa picked up Pablo and gave him a giant bear hug.  He moved him to one side and invited me into the family hug.

We cuddled.  We smiled.  We sighed.

#Thankfulforfamily #SOL20  #day28

Random thoughts

#1: My husband comes home tomorrow, 7 weeks of single parenting and 2 weeks of quarantine later. 

We have all missed papa so much and are looking forward to his return. 

#2: My child and I were listening to music via the google speaker in our house today and it was absolutely hysterical to watch him try to talk to google.  He was like "Okay google, play wheels on the bus." 

#3: I was planning on cooking hamburgers and french fries for dinner alongside fresh melon and what did I do instead.  I ordered food because my son wanted the food delivered by a moto.  You pick your battles in life, but when you are single parenting and in a pandemic, you let a lot of things go and just roll with the punches. 

#4: Whether we are exercising, or teaching online, or playing with toys or houses, or trying to cook something, or do something artistic, I am losing creativity in having to be switched on every single second I am awake. 

#5: I am really bummed about not getting to see one of my besties: Heather and her family, for Semana Santa/ Spring/ Easter break.  They have been somewhat close the last two years living in Monterrey, Mexico and if our intended move to China does happen, then I worry, we won't see them for awhile again.

#6: Speaking of China, closing it's borders, dodgy Harvard medical scientists being paid by Chinese government.  I hope that this isn't part of the conspiracy theories that I play out in my head each day. 

#SOL20 #March27 #4moredays

Beaches by Tuk-tuks

"I want to go to the beach by tuk tuks." said Pablo today. 
 A few months ago, during happy times, we visited this magical little island off the coast of Honduras, called Utila.  

We boarded a plane with just four small seats, for 3 adults and Pablo sat on Andres' and I's laps.  We took the gorgeous flight 3.5 km above the sea for about 20 minutes before we landed on a strip of pavement in a sea of green.  When we arrived, there was not really an airport but the women in charge of the airport there, plus, a tuk-tuk with the other passenger's friend to come and meet her.  Pablo and I hopped on the back of the moto with the airport lady, and Andres went in the tuk-tuk with the luggage.  Within a few minutes, we arrived at our hotel or lodge known as the Mango Tree Lodge.  It was quaint, with a dive pool, restaurant that served cold beers and delicious pizza and super comfy.  

Utila is small, so much that there are not a ton of cars on the island and most people get around by walking. motorbikes, tuk-tuks or golf carts.  Pablo loved this.  He got a little tired of driving around in the US so much in cars so was happy with the free flow of walking or breeze blowing in his face while riding the other open air transport.  

There wasn't much to do on this island, dive, go to the beach, drink beers, eat, search for shells, read books.  It was just what we needed to relax and forget about reality for awhile. 

My friend and I were talking today about the fact that so much of our lives as expats is about looking forward to our next trip. With COVID-19, there is uncertainty around our move to China, and we also aren't sure where we will go this summer for our short vacation, if we can even leave this country.  So for now, we just have to dream of faded memories of going to the beach by tuk-tuks.

#SOL20 #day26