Digging around for magic.

This past weekend, the last of May 2012, I got to experience a pretty amazing little something.  The festival de Caracoles in Lleida, Spain blew me away.  Of course, there was the fact that I was flying away on some kind of hedonistic beverage all weekend long, but mainly it was the amazing energy I was surrounded by left, right and center.
When we think of festivals in the United States, various images come to mind.  Often, we can be surrounded by neon lights, deep fried foods and ugly people trimmed heads with cowboy hats and thick woolen plaid shirts.
This itself, shared some resemblances.  Of course, there were a number of tents, a gleaming amusement park in the background and tacky indeed, and finally,various folks sporting cowboy hats amongst other amazing fashion statements I have yet seen since 1992.
Nonetheless, what prevailed was the ever present spirit.  Maybe it was the fact that these snails that were being both celebrated and cooked had climbed out of the world, dug themselves up from the grit and grime to shine a short while and bask in the sunlight.  And maybe, that is one of the reasons that they actually taste so good, is that there lives are short, sweet, magical and they are plentiful on earth but totally challenging to obtain simultaneously.
The spirit ran far beyond the snails´magic.  There were dances following dinner that sparked magic, whistling men in the streets, followed by waving orange bandanas and runs up and down chanting music that made us glow like a pack of fireflies.
"When we are happy, we are good." How Oscar Wilde dictated and how it truly resonates in moments where our thoughts require nothing less than us limiting ourselves to amazement.
Blessed by dance, loving arms, and smiles that illuminate my universe and war me up with the mere thought, I hope everyone once upon a time has the opportunity to dig around for magic just like I did this past weekend.

The Season of Buzz

Today during our literature circles, my high level group, who might be close to the most extraordinarily passionate group of readers I have ever taught were buzzing.  They buzzed about their book: racism, turning points, injustice, and in my head, the whole conversation made me a little envious. I really longed being a part of a book club just like the one we were having in class, guided by a much smarter, more worldly experienced person to lead us and guide us along the way.

These days, so many things are buzzing. My world is alive with holiday experiences, travel destinations that are hanging out around my head doing swirls, laughing and taunting me and saying, just do it.  And why not, we are young... There is this wonderful song by the group Fun, called "We are young." The song goes a bit like this..

Tonight. We are young, so let´s set the world on fire. We can burn brighter than the sun.

I think right now I am beginning to feel that way.  Even though work is the most challenging it´s been in a long time, I cannot complain.  Everyday, I question how I can do things bigger, better and brighter for these kids so that they will be engaged because they love the good stuff.
At the same time, due to the weather (aka shockingly cold for March 21), and working tooooo much, I have not been exercising as much as I should and I know that those outside activities are the ones that make work, family, boys, everything so much easier.

So, as spring equinox unfolds, the bees dashing around the pollen;  the youth pedaling rapidly around the city on Bicing; a new season of fruits, vegetables and culinary wonders spring to life; to all, I say... buzz, buzz, buzz...

What grows beneath

By March of last year, I had experienced so many highs and lows, you would have thought I was having a heart attack if you looked at a heart monitor.  There were beats that blew up, there were beats that made big bangs and there were beats that bellowed sadness and pain.

In 2012,  there has been these silent growths within myself, my life, my understanding of the world that are creeping up through soil and I am hoping that they sprout into something incredible.

One part of my life that has been particularly enchanting is a boy.  After my last shot of love, which lasted approximately 6 months but felt like what I would imagine a heroin injection would, an extreme high, followed by a terribly dreadful low, I am cautious to speak too much of it.  However, the more I talk about it, the more I realize that I am dating a friend.  Someone that I share amazing conversations with that climb up poles like ivy creating these beautiful intertwined plants that energize and support one another.  I am dating someone that enjoys adventures, culinary, travel, pure fun as much as I do and is willing to get lost in order to find.  And, the best part is that the whole thing does not stress me out.  I saw an ex last week and it could have been stressful.  It made me think a bit, but in the end, I felt at peace with my situation and comfortable where I was with myself and no need to make a bigger deal about it than it was.

Another part of life that has been satisfying is work.  I am working with two kind, thoughtful and cooperative people and that has made my work environment both positive and enjoyable.  And even though, I am dealing with by far the most neurotic, behavior issue filled group of students I have ever worked with,  I feel incredibly inspired to help, to teach, to reach out, to problem solve in order to get these kids on track for next year.  It sure hasn´t been easy and success is hard to measure on this front, but I feel like it´s improving and baby steps are key to our progress in general.  Finally,  I have had the opportunity to present, exchange knowledge, attend conferences etc. and learn a whole bunch of new things in a work environment which has been extremely transparent.  A wonderful embraced change!

Finally,  I have been lucky enough to have a recent surge of incredible people in my life all around.  Old friends paying visits to my stomping grounds, connections with friends of friends.  If I can have one wish in my life, it´s in the honor of the traveling funeral novel, I want my friends to have a big blowout when I die.  If I can bring all those amazing people together to celebrate, discuss, laugh, dance and eat while telling stories that we shared around the world, than I will know my life has been something beautiful and that my legend and life will still grow even when I lie beneath the earth. 

Surprises in the Shadows.

This past week was a little treat.  We worked every other day,  I can't even imagine having the luxury to do that with my life all the time.  It was incredible to be able to have fun with friends and not worry about homework or turning into a pumpkin.  It was fantastic to walk around the city and get to see all these little dives that I never get exposed to with my 9-5 schedule.

There were a number of toppings that made this week a treat.

Tuesday, I woke up late, walked around, made some soup, did some grading, and went to Beach Boot Camp.  It was free, and relaxing but equally challenging, I did nearly throw up in the first five minutes, but once my body refamiliarized itself with the idea of doing something besides running or yoga, it eased up.  That evening, Lisa, Laura and I tucked into Lisa's couch, cozed up with some cream puffs, cava, falafel and Love Actually, and chatted, laughed, and talked the night away.

Wednesday was a fun day at work, complete with a science experiment that the kids behaved in and actually enjoyed. That afternoon, I presented my workshop again and it went fairly well.  Finally,  at night, we went over to Lisa's for a feast with the girls and too much vino tinto.  Later on, we went to Mixx, I made some new friends, a la Barcelona style, and when the clock struck 3:30 and the effects of alcohol began to put a sway in my step, I decided it's time to float back home.  I thank heavens someone was watching out for me.  And at 3:30 upon arrival, I came home to some messages from my parents letting me know that my visa was complete.

On Thursday, another lie-in, and a warm hot-chocolate with Tytti, followed by an amazing run on the beach.   Though, the beach was quite quiet, it was so relaxing, the temperature was perfect and the wind was blowing beautifully.  One of those nights where the slight of winter here is magical.

Friday rolled around, another smooth and easy day at work and a Christmas present from ASB, a ticket home for Xmas to see my family. This was followed by a relaxing behaved night in, I could feel myself nearly coming down with something and just wanted to take it easy.

Saturday, I spent the day playing volleyball with my friend Ana Elisa and some other locals.  I have to remind myself regularly when I play volleyball, especially since it's something I have been doing since I was 10, that I am no longer 16 and in my prime, playing,  I think I bruised some ribs taking a hard fall in the first few minutes of our first game.  Nevertheless, I prevailed and had a fun day.  The evening was an old reunion with a friend I knew from 2 years ago in Barcelona.  It was so nice to see Karen Church, meet her lovely husband and all her friends.  I had a feast like no other last night, that and the feisty charades will be hard to follow.

So I thank my spirits above for all the surprises that are creeping out of the shadows in my life right now, and as the movie goes, thankyoumoreplease.

The roller coaster.

I miss him, and yet, at the same time, I don't.  That smile, all muppet-esque, and the ability to sit and stare at me, it was impermanent, it was easy, it was thoughtless, which made it thoughtful.

Tonight, as I sit here, worrying about something else, that I am not so into, I wonder why, I wonder where is my passion and what I am doing.  I have been so lucky to be surrounded by gorgeous friends these past two weeks.  They have truly reminded me of who I am and yet, having that haunting feeling around you, making you more aware of the steps you are taking and doing, none are easy, none are completely you and when you don't have those big and beautiful people in your life that really get you to stop back, help you reflect and make sense of it all, then it's easy to live on a roller coaster.  This roller coaster is pretty smooth, it does not have any extreme highs or lows, it is a comfortable ride, but it's not one that makes you scream for your life or get really excited about the things that you are moving upwards towards.

I want that, I want to wake up and feel like I am running up a big hill and I want to get to the top and see something beautiful, if only for a second.  I want to see that beauty and than come intoxicatingly screaming down scared and getting goosebumps all at the same time.

And, I have reached this point of complacency, where work is good, and life is good but it's not that ride.   It's not the one that you wake up and get shudders from or the one that you surface out of the water and feel baptized.  They are possible, they will come, just welcome them back into your life and know that everything is yours.

With love...

There was something in the air...

So tomorrow, I turn 31, and quite possibly, it's the first time in my life, that I haven't cared about a birthday.  Having said that, tonight when I was walking home, there was an energy in the air.  You could hear faint cries of protests in the distance, the air was a pleasant but kinda bone chilling one and the hundreds of people walking home after getting kicked off buses which cut service for whatever reason, provided me with a smile and a warmth of being in Barcelona on this birthday.

Today, was one of intensity, coaching my Varsity girls volleyball team but I was proud of them.  They perservered and showed me what they were made of.  They have big hearts and an incredible ability to work together even though they haven't had tons of opportunities with the small group they have become in the last 3 weeks.

There was that energy and the ones from the Jordanian coaches, making me miss the Middle East, casually smoking cigarettes during the lunch break.  I loved that they didn't care, that they were naturally raw people just tending to their habits.  It's something you don't see all the time and it was refreshing and calming.

So, tonight, with something in the air, I will toast my team, my 31st year, this incredible Spanish city and hope that our energy remains fierce for tomorrow and Saturday with a local Spanish red...

Me gusta mi vida ahora...

Being "Somewhere" in Barcelona...

So, as I was walking around tonight and enjoying my reflective Sunday evenings, I realized just how much I love this city.  I go out my door to crisp Autumn sweater weather and smile.  The old lamps lining the darkish cement newly cleaned streets.  The cafe culture still continuing on into fall.  It's such a romantic city.  Last night, I was walking around with a new friend, we'll just call him that for now, Andres, and it was magical.  Of course, the company was great, but running into a spontaneous flamenco performance in an alley while the shopowners served the gathering crowd small cups of vino.  And onwards we walked, and then there was a South American drum circle in Plaza La Merce, followed by a band reminiscent of preludes to Pink Floyd sounds.

Today, I went to meet my friend Analise and we chatted in English and Spanish, and then hit the cloudy beach for an afternoon game of volleyball and tonight, I cooked vegetarian pasta and am having a couple glasses of one of my favorite local reds before the evening ends.

A friend of mine visited last week and it was a treat to have company and be reminded on how magnificent it is where you dwell and well there is always something, the energy and the beauty of this city, weather, people, food, etc. makes everything and something more bearable.

I watched Sofia Coppola's new film "Somewhere" last night and at times, it was slow and painful, but the meaning was there, readily available and hanging out on the surface for anyone who has been bored, for anyone who feels like they could be anywhere and are trying to get to somewhere.

And for me, Barcelona, has become a somewhere in my life, where I want to live, shine, create and participate.  And, I feel like I am giving it my best go, hour commute to work and all, I am getting around.

And being here, and being able to somewhat (because let's face it, really somewhat is realistic) manage all my activities, and work, and still being able to spend some time with me, imperative in this in-between broken heart, moving to another country, stage, I feel well and full of hope and not too worried.  And that's all one can ask for, is some sort of balance.  Of course, there's dancing pantless homeless men who you try to feed, and ATM cards that get demagnetized seconds after you possess them, and of course, the weekly public transportation mishappening, but all of it comes out funnier and like a breath of fresh air.  I am sure it goes back to my tangent about how life is real and not easy here and there is something simply beautiful in that.

So, meanwhile, while I am here somewhere, trying to make sure that I don't float away to just anywhere, I hope to have more visitors, more adventures, more opportunities for love, peace, art, understanding and misunderstanding..

Buenas noches amigos..