The Balancing Act: What Comes First? The Reality vs. the Desired.

This morning at 6:30 am, I was feeling like super mom.   Pablo was strapped to my chest in the baby bjorn, smiling at every soul who touched his delectable toes.  On the way to the cross country meet in which I was helping co-coach, he slept peacefully, I chatted with a new friend, quietly thinking to myself, "I got this."  And then 2 hours later, my world turned upside down.  I was at the race corral waiting to help organize the U9 runners and I had let a dear friend take care of Pablo for the last 30 minutes and she came running to me.  He was crying so my immediate thought was, he might be more hungry or he wants momma, but the reality was he was overheating in the Malaysian heat and I almost had a meltdown trying to find my baby a place to cool down.  30 minutes later we were in an air-conditioned office and I had to accept that I was only going to be able to do one thing in that moment in time and clearly, being a mom took priority.

What I realized from all this is that last thought "I had to accept that I was only going to be able to do one thing in that moment in time."  Being someone who has been a master multi-tasker for years, motherhood has put a big kink in that mastery.  I think it was my third day home when I was trying to do laundry, cook dinner and take care of Pablo all at the same time and really for no reason as I had a confinement nanny to help me that I realized, you have to let go and it's okay to not be in control of everything.   We are so spoiled to be able to afford help.  First, we were blessed with Shelley, a Chinese confinement nanny, that cooked beautiful healthy Chinese food for Andres and I for the first 28 days after I had Pablo and helped with putting Pablo to bed.  Everything she did essentially helped in making our lives as a family easier and I think we ended up being more chilled out parents because she was around.  Having her, gave me the power to realize that I can't be everything and that's completely okay.   Since then, we have had the incredible Cora, who brings more smiles to Pablo's face every morning.  With going back to work early, I don't think I could have found someone better that I truly trust to essentially part-time raise my child.   Nevertheless, being an older parent and having embraced my balanced, independent, compartmentalized life for so long,  I didn't realize that having a baby would actually force me to be even more balanced, but also prioritize.

Unfortunately, sometimes as an adult, we can't prioritize exactly how we would like. Being the working visa in our family meant going back to work sooner than planned. Being in a new position as ES learning specialist often puts me in three times as many meetings as before.  More than ever, I have to find the silver linings. It's cool that Pablo was born in Malaysia, and has one parent that works from home. It's amazing that ISKL included Pablo as a family member effortlessly with visas, insurance and other benefits.  And, it's good that this momma continues to get a number of intellectual challenges daily.  In addition, my new position helps me be a better leader and have more voice in student learning.   Silver linings are my medicine, this is my reality not a desire.

When I find out the perfect recipe for balance, I probably won't need it.  I'll be a millionaire living in a quiet beach town basking in the publication of my novel and writing a Spanish childrens series called Mananas Con Pablo.  Until then, wish me luck.