Last night, at 2Many Djs, the energy was different. More European. Am I making the right decision going to South America? Freaking out a bit at 1:40 on a Friday evening.
I watched Vicky Cristina, saw Andrea's pics and was all the sudden aching to be back there, to the point, that I would pick up my stuff, my suitcases, sell my art and just go...
God, that city, it's not even like my life was perfect there, it's just magical. Being able to walk out or run out into such a vivacious, perfect weathered place, was immaculate. There is absolutely no other way to describe it. Spain, I heart you, I miss you, and Buddha, in my next life, please make me Spanish, rich or poor, for better or worse.
And, I guess I just am freaking out in other ways. Reading literature, the new Elizabeth Gilbert book "Committed" that questions and challenges my beliefs on relationships. I like it, non-fiction can be tedious but she writes with such raw honesty that it's pleasant and easy to follow. Nevertheless, the whole 1.5 year relationship I have involved myself in is being evaluated alongside the reading journey. It's not that it's bad but it's that it's messed up, in so many good and bad ways.
I have pushed away for such a long time and now, that I am getting more of what I need now, I am actually pulling away from it because I don't want to get hurt, I don't want to have to much faith and I don't want to fall. And unfortunately, it's come to a part, that I could do that if I wanted to.
Oy, life! I love you but you truly do intrigue and torture simultaneously.
Hasta pronto! xoxo
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